I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize