i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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