i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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