can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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