My first STD was from a foam party
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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