So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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