You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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