Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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