so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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