I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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