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I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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