I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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