it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize