Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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