just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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