i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize