i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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