we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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