On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My ass is underappreciated
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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