I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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