Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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