if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize