dude i'm inner monologue high
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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