and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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