im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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