sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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