you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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