remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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