for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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