just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize