It's Friday. Sex?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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