Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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