i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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