Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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