I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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