i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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