apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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