I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize