She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize