i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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