Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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