Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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