I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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