Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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