We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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