I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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