Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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