I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize