I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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