i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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